untitled......

I'm only a young man of 22 years and I know my knowledge of life in this world is very limited and therefore it is perhaps not my right to comment on certain things so I hope these words appear in the good faith they are intended.

I came home from what was a truly wonderful holiday to some news that I can only say is devestating in a way that both churned my stomach and scrambled my brain!

In short, I learned that a lady very close to our family (particularly my mother) had taken her own life last week in such a horrific and violent way that it has left me empty, numb, confused and very deeply saddened.
For a very large amount of her life she has always been cheerful, happy, friendly and a good friend to our family. However, I learned that in recent times she had been suffering from clinical depression (as did her mother) and this had got her into a state which led to her to put herself in the path of an oncoming rush hour train!

I'll be honest I didn't really know much about depression but I have since learned that is an actual medical condition as opposed to a 'state of mind' which I naively thought. It is caused by a breakdown of the functionality of the neurotransmitters in the brain which is brought on by a change in chemicals. These chemicals are responsible for a persons emotional state and when then they aren't delivered between the cells correctly, this can cause depression.
When I read through the symptoms of depression that are suffered, it makes me feel desperately sorry that this poor lady was going through such a horrible period! Sleeplessness, loss of appetite, constant feelings of guilt (!), lowered self esteem, feelings of sadness and worthlessness are all symptoms.

It is so terrible how this disease (which it unfortunately is!) affects people's lives and I think people who don't suffer should be extremely thankful. We have all been in a very deep state of shock this week and it just does not seem possible that this happened last week. There are so many unanswered questions - why was she where she was? had this been planned in advance? why wasn't there anything she felt that might help her get better? is there anything we could have done to save her??? The list goes on....

Sadly, this poor lady must have convinced herself that she wasn't ever going to get better and it is impossible to comprehend what this must feel like. I can't imagine how this must be for the lady's husband and two kids. I think that the decision to commit suicide in this way must have been on the spur of the moment and in desperation to free herself from these feelings as my family all know how much love she had for her family. I hope most of all that she has now found piece and happiness within herself. I know she will be in a better place xxxxxxx