The Playing Test

Well, what can I say? I guess in the career of a golfer you get ups and downs, peaks and troughs etc but today was to say the least a struggle.

Unfortunately, today did not the mark the beginning of my professional career but nevermind. I know i'll get there eventually. In my head, before and building up to today, I had done everything I could - worked hard on all aspects of my game, studied the course, tried to dedicate as much time as i could to being sure i was prepared as i could be etc... But, no amount of any of these things can equip you for the sheer nerves you will experience. My first 'life' lesson today was that even with hard work and dedication, there are still no guarantees. The first shot of the morning round, for me, is without question the toughest, scariest shot i've ever had to hit in my life. My hands were shaking, my stomach was somersalting, my palms were sweaty and I was a quivering wreck which is really embarrasing to admit especially as a 2 handicap golfer who ought to be able to handle this! Add to that the fact that i hit a shocker, lost the ball and then had to hit the shot again and this genuinely is the worst i have ever felt on a golf course. The first 5 or 6 holes were a struggle to not vomit myself seriously and this does not help your concentration. Even after I settled slightly, I was finding that any slightly bad shot i hit quickly brought about more nausea, panic and anxiety. What can you do when that happens??? The simplest things seem so difficult and coming to terms with the fact that you are not control of your emotions is very stressful indeed.

If anyone does eventually read this blog for golfing purposes, then let me be the first to say that this will be the scariest golf thing you will have done in your life and in summary as hard as it is to admit, I couldnt handle my nerves even slightly. I shot 82 and 82 which missed the target by 7 shots on an unfortunate total of +22. On a positive note, S shot 78 and 72 which got him in by 8 shots. It was great to see my brother do well and the happiness he derived from it, even tho unfortunately I was struggling. I'll get through next time!!!

There are positives to be drawn. I now know what possibly the highest level of pressure i'll personally experience feels like and this can only make me more aware for next time even i again struggle to deal with it. This is an area i'm going to look into now tho just to see if there is anything at all to help me cope with it cos it was a horrible experience, whilst also vital and important to me as a golfer but in more ways a person. They say 'get back on the horse' and believe you me i'm doin just that - the sooner the better, but hopefully with a golf game and mentality better equipped to deal with the situation.

Knockbacks are gonna happen to anyone for sure but today i learned today it is best to deal with and learn from them as opposed to letting them dictate the future and get you down. In some ways, altho i had a disaster today, I in some bizarre way feel that I am a better golfer for it and this is just one part of the bumpy and never ending learning curve that comes with this unique sporting territory......