Hoping.....

Hello again. The funeral was a very sad affair indeed. I have always found it comforting at funerals to devote 110% attention to the vicar and the words they say as they can be very comforting.
It was sad to see the lady's husband, for although he demonstrated immense courage by wearing a smile to all the visitors, it was clear to see the pain and sorrow in his eyes. The two sons and daughter were incredibly brave also and I was admirable of their inner strength. I couldn't help but feel incredibly lucky that it wasnt me in that situation. I dont mean that to sound at all selfish but it has certainly changed my perspective on things and shown me that some things are just way more important than others and absolutely nothing should be taken for granted!

That being said, it's my lady R's birthday this coming weekend and I'm taking her away to Cambridge to spoil her rotten and show her how much she and everything she has done for me means to me. I rarely get the chance to do this and so a well timed bout of back pay at work will provide hopefully the opportunity to create some great memories as she deserves to be treated like the lovely lady she certainly is. I've never been to Cambridge before so am looking forward to checking out somewhere new!

Have just read my brothers online blog about his newborn baby and am pleased to report that Maxy is happy, healthy and absolutely adored by his new parents. These are the real important things in life and I think that my brother would agree that its taken him a few of lifes lessons to learn how to appreciate the good things and to be truly happy which it is great to read how he is now. I look forward now to the wintertime, the non golf season, where I can look to spend more quality time with my new nephew and catch up with my bro too.

My other bro S has been doing great too, he's virtually a professional golfer now (subject to processing of forms etc....). I havent got to play much golf with him lately as he has had a few personal bits to sort out but i've no doubt that a very promising career lies before him as he is one of the most talented people i've ever come across.

Ma and pa have just come back from a well earned two week break abroad and have had an awesome time! They particularly have given me great support recently. They have funded my last two playing tests and have really been there for me as I have been quite down in recent weeks. I'm lucky to have two such parents who are so supportive and wish to see me succeed, which it is only a matter of time before i do!

Well on to myself, the Bishops Stortford test looms thursday and as first reserve I am quite literally on the edge of my seat and praying to be given the opportunity to take my final attempt this year on familiar ground. I have accepted the 19th september in Weymouth as an alternative and although the idea of going to Weymouth is very appealing, I would rather it be on a pleasure basis than business. Oh well, needs must i suppose. I'll be honest, i dont even want to take another test this year, I'm just not in the frame of mind for it but i cant just miss the opportunity, as one good day could turn me around completely. God knows I need it for my confidence and to regain the belief that I can make a career out of all this.

Ah well, nuff said. Fingers, toes and everything else crossed that i will get the call up....

Funeral

I have unfortunately a funeral to attend tomoro. It's an exceptionally sad circumstance because the lady is a close friend and colleague of my mother. The lady is also the mother to two guys I used to be good friends with growing up as they lived just across and due to just time and different paths I haven't seen them for ages. It will be nice to see them again, even though it is under the worst circumstance imaginable for them - i feel for them so so much!

My mother has been away for two weeks on holiday and isn't aware of this yet and i'm not looking forward to telling her when she gets back. I'm hoping that by me going to the funeral on her behalf, this will make it a bit easier for her to deal with.

This is such a sad turn of events, the lady was only 46 years old and for cancer to take her young life and take her away from the husband and three children she had always been so devoted to is in my opinion simply wrong and too devestating for words.

I have a good recollection of her as being a very nice, friendly lady who always looked after everyone around her whether it be me and her two sons playing basketball in their back garden or the hundreds of infant children she helped with at the school she worked at with my mum.
She was one of those people who didnt have a bad bone in her body. She was always helping others, particularly in school and saw the best in everybody. Why do bad things happen to good people? It's just not right!

In my opinion its high time that cancer was well and truly taken control of because it is wrecking so many families, young lives and just taking good people away from their loved ones way too prematurely in an unexplainable, undignified, painful and intolerable way!

Thus, as well as representing my mum tomoro, I will certainly be there to support two old friends and pay respect to this special lady who i'm sure is in a happy and better place now......

Unfortunate setback!!!

Well, I received some very bad news at the start of this week. Unfortunately I received a phonecall from the PGA saying that the last playing test at Bishops Stortford (the last test anywhere this year) had been over subscribed and therefore my entry had not been accepted! What an absolute killer blow! I know my chances this year are now slim anyway but to have my final chance taken away was an absolute kick in the swingers!

I contacted back and asked whether there was a reserve list and could I be put on it and the good thing was that I was told I was first reserve. This is ok as I guess someone may pull out but it is certainly no guarantee and I dont like the prospect of having to wait and see. I have kept the day clear from work and am more than prepared to go at the 11th hour!

A potential alternative was offered, they may be setting another test on September 14th but this is all the way up in Bolton (nearly 4 hours away!). I am very sceptical about this for two reasons: I wont get a chance to play a practise round, it clashes with the Sussex Open, a tournament in which I was very much looking forward to playing in.
But, weighing it up I cant ignore the fact that it is another opportunity which if I dont at least try, I will have to wait until next MAY! That is a bloody long time to wait.
I cant decide whether to use the accept that this year hasnt gone my way and take the chance to preare as best I can for next year! Decisions decisions. Guess i'll just wait and pray for the call up to Bishops Stortford.

On a differing note I have finally had my clubs bent to 1 degree flat as recommended in my last lesson and this has made a significant difference - I cant hit them at all but am assured I will get used to them the more I use them. Won't go on about that as I am aware it is a very boring subject.

Other than that, not a lot to report. Am just really hoping to get that call...

Sunday blog....

Not really sure what to blog about today but its a Sunday at work and as usual you would see more life in a morgue!!

Well my practise has been encouraging. Have had another lesson in Chichester and although i'm quite a way from being where I need to be, I was told that i had incorporated the swing changes well and everything was looking much more 'in sync' and in a much better position. This was encouraging to see on the video as well. Whilst he re-iterated my need to continue working on these things, he gave me a drill to improve my hand action (no dont be rude!!!) through impact to help with the occasional hook I am prone to as well to lower my ball flight as it is a bit too high and hard to control, especially in the wind!

I am all booked in for September 1st at Bishop Stortford again. The great news is that I will have my dad on my bag this time which I am hoping will give me the lift I need to get through it. Nothing will spur me on better than the desire to show my old man what I can do and I hope this will be the case! It's most certainly been a frustrating 3 months surrounding this playing test but I have just about managed to put the other tests out of my head now and this one to the forefront.

I will certainly have a few decisions to make, both short and long term if I am unsuccessful again which I will divulge in due course if necessary. All of these decisions however will be centred around what I think is in my own best interest with regard to both golf and non golf related things in my life. In golf terms I mean doing everything I feel is necessary to prepare myself for the following season and more Playing tests. A key thought and belief I have is that I haven't passed my test yet is that I am just not ready and that I will pass when I am ready.

In non golf terms, I am potentially looking into moving in with my lady R, and there is a possibility that this could be somewhere around Essex, as this suits her job which she is 110% committed to for the future. So, we'll see what happens.

If i'm being honest, i'm quite relieved that golf season is almost over. It has certainly taken its toll on me this year and I have learned a lot about golf as well as myself. I have entered a large tournament, the Sussex Open in September and I think that when this is over I will certainly have a bit of a break for a month or two and then come the new year launch myself into preparing for the new year ahead which I desperately hope will be my first season as a professional. The only goal I set myself this year was to turn pro! I have one more shot at it this year so fingers crossed as the idea of waiting another year does not appeal to me!!!!

Stay tuned.....

Ah bless him, he's had another nightmare....

Whoops! As the title comically suggests - yes you guessed it - I incurred fail number 4. Many words come to mind but for our young readers (as if!) i'll just say 'OUCH' very loudly. I shot 85 in the morning and 76 in the afternoon. On a very unmanly note, this test did bring about a few small tears on the way home. Tears of frustration, disappointment, disbelief, you name it. I guess in a short spell it all just compounded and got the better of me. Not a bad way to entertain myself during a traffic jam though.

I think the hardest part of this one was that in days leading upto it (particularly since my lesson) I was feeling really confident and was certain that this was my time. Last night I couldnt stop pacing back and forth, raring to go. But, when I woke this morning something just didnt seem right. I suddenly felt really demotivated and didnt want to go and play. Until just now, I wasnt able to put my finger on why this was but the simple fact is that I in a twisted way, I found it easier to settle for failure and I couldnt make myself hyped up for the fear of another disappointment. I guess I still havent got over the upset of missing my last test by one shot and wasn't ready to endure this 'thing' again.

From a practical perspective, I was pleased by how I hit the ball and the swing changes ive made lately have definitely increased my consistency but my short game and putting particularly were just downright poor! These are areas many golfers see to be unimportant but they are more important than hitting good shots from the tee or fairway. My short game ability is nowhere near as sharp or diverse as it needs to be and it has cost me dearly in all four tests. Tiger Woods is so unbelievably good in these areas, by far the best in the world and I wish I was half as good.

Thus, I have one more test I can take this year, in September back at Bishops Stortford again and if I fail that a much needed break from the strain of constant thinking about the test and trying to prepare hard for what has each time resulted in failure.

On a happier note, my lovely lady R has booked a holiday for the two of us in Catalonia in October so that is something i am very exited about. We dont get much time together so the idea of a whole week alone is very appealing. Cant wait for that!

Ah well, its not very nice to fail anything 4 times but I have to say that all my mates, family, girlfriend have been very supportive and encouraging which I have needed and I am very grateful for that as I know they are pulling for me perhaps harder than I am for myself so I am desperate to pass for them as well as me.

This last test is mega mega important now so now that I have a coach I will be seeing, I am hoping that I will be far improved in all areas and i am gonna throw all last efforts into this and then come the end of september take a long break from it as the battery is nearing flat.

Im off for a beer or 12......

Encouraging signs!!!!

Well, since my last test and ARP right up to 4 days ago, nearly 2 weeks I have not set foot on a golf course and practised very little indeed! I had lost all interest in playing because I have been struggling so much. I have refocused myself by going back to the gym and working towards getting physically fitter and stronger. This has been great because I enjoy it and it has given me something about as opposed to golf.

But, despite the negative start to this blog, things have gotten bloody good now actually. As an assistant at a golf club, I wont lie - we dont get paid much at all. But, I decided the time had come to invest some money in myself by arranging to get some quality tuition as I for some reason haven't been offered it anywhere else (!) and I was at the end of my tether with it as I had lost all understanding of my swing and couldnt figure out why i've been playing like such an arse. This whole playing test thing has put me right on breaking point, to the point where i've wanted to take a very long break from golf altogether as all enjoyment of the game had gone and i've been feeling like i'm going nowhere with it!

I came across a golf course in Chichester with an academy joined and after researching via the internet, found that the head coach had been personally trained by Mr David Leadbetter (one of the worlds top coaches who has worked long hours with the likes of Nick Faldo, Greg Norman and many other big names!) 'THAT'LL DO ME'! I said to myself and after contacting the guy and explaining my situation ie my goals and the playing test etc, I promptly arranged a lesson, which I went to last thursday.

The lesson, as it turned out went so much better than I was expecting. It was conducted by a guy who it was clear had a lot of experience and certainly knew what he was talking about.
The lesson basically consisted of me hitting balls while he video-recorded me from all angles for about 10 minutes. After this we went into the studio, where he sat analysing me for probably another 10 minutes - fast forwarding, pausing, rewinding etc over and over again.
After this he preceded to give me a detailed and visual explanation of the two main errors I had and more importantly how they are causing the inconsistencies and waywardness i've had lately. He illustrated this by showing me on the video so when I could see it for myself i knew it was making sense. Then with a couple of drills and demonstrations, I was already hitting better shots. One of my strengths is that I can regain confidence very quickly and just in those first few shots I felt like it all coming back to me. It feels so good to be writing positively.
Practise since has gone perfectly as i have been training myself to feel the positions i need to be in and definitely avoiding the bad ones.

My test is coming up on thursday this week and I cannot wait to do it. If i play like i have been these last 4 days, I cannot fail - theres just no way. I have been to rock bottom recently with the other 3 tests and if thursday goes as I see it going, it will be perhaps one of the most rewarding days of my career so far. I really cant wait. I just want to get on and PASS!!!!!

Fingers crossed. Hopefully i'll be reporting some very good news thursday night......